Tired of being tired

Well, I've had a pretty good week for a fat girl with MS. I think that's about all I can hope for nowadays. Somebody call me a whambulance.  Because right now, I just wanta whine. I cleaned my house today. Well, most of it. Clean 30 minutes, rest. Clean again, rest. Afternoon nap so I can go out and eat with friends. I never knew I missed cleaning my own house. It's the pace that I have to do it with now that drives me nuts. I like to do it all in one afternoon like the good ole days. Nope, all day project. It makes me feel good inside to know I did it and that counts for something. Hope this week is a good one. And that I am able to find a worker for me on May 4th. I am going to the beach with Teresa even if I don't have one. We will have a good time, because she gets me better than most. She won't push me or make me feel guilty about not feeling well enough to do xyz. So, it should be pretty relaxing weekend... Got to gear up for all that's on the calendar in May.  Enough of my ramblings for tonight. : D

Discouraged.

I love my co-workers. They are my best friends. We know everything about each other. Maybe too much, but it works. It helped me keep from losing my mind over the last couple years with this body going out on me and having this damn disease. I realized today that they still don't get it. Can't blame them, I look fine. I try not to complain much but every day I'm there is a challenge. A challenge that I welcome and have chosen to do. I do not want to lose my job. Without it, I think I would just sit in my house, get fat, and become suicidal. : /  I've been off every Wed. for at least a year. It allows me to keep working. I work two days, crash and recover, and then work two more. I was more or less forced to work on my day off. Combination of idiot scheduler, and too many patients. Had a trip planned this weekend. Working four days in a row. Yeah, I'm not going anywhere. Last time I worked three I swore I would never do that to myself again. And here I am.  Pressured into ruining my weekend. Just another price I have to pay for trying to live like I'm fine. Oh well, there are other weekends. The only thing I'm discouraged about is that they don't get it and they won't ever. I guess they think I'm lazy and just don't want to work.. who knows. This too shall pass and I won't ever do this again. (which was what I said last time) LOL I deserve a weekend not feeling like crap. Or at least I think I do.

Rantings

Beef for the day...  I have folks (very well-meaning) ask me several times a day how I'm doing? Am I ok? Are you sure you don't need me to do that. Really?  I have MS, I'm not carrying HIV or have cancer for goodness sakes. Yes, I talked about it WAY too much the first year. Nearly drove myself mad. Now, I try very hard to ignore it. Try to answer inquiries with "yes, I am doing fine" "doing pretty good, and you?" "Having many more good days than bad" Enough already...  I can't explain MS anymore than I can explain quantum physics! I can predict one hour at a time. That's it. Can't tell you what I will or won't do tomorrow, because I have to do what I CAN do each day. The future, and yes even tomorrow, is too far away for the ole MS hag to give me a heads up.  I can feel great one day and like s*** the next day. I would like to not feel judged, belittled, and snubbed during the bad days. . Stop being offended if I say something like "I will if I feel like it",  or "As long as I'm feeling good I will do xyz" I am not wanting sympathy, or understanding. I need you to trust me that the way I have to deal with each day, is ONE DAY AT A Time.  I do not have a lazy bone in my body. If I can't do today what I did yesterday, it doesn't mean I am lazy and just want to dump on my co-workers. Seriously? I'm too old for the junior high crap.  People who really know me, and knew me before I got this damn disease, know that it isn't in my nature to be a slacker. Grow up please, stop being a bitch, and be thankful for your health. You could lose it at any moment and be riding in my boat...